Wrap it up

Blimey. Made hard work of that, didn't they? Still, a win's a win and, boy (seems I've been posessed by the Griegster), did they need one

What's required now is a definite decision on Strauss's place, significant runs from the top-order (Vaughan and KP could both really do with big scores - a century from each would be nice, if that's not asking too much) and, it almost goes without saying, a spot of catching practice. Had England not made such arses of themselves in the field, they might not have needed to play on the 5th day

Napier's may be a flat track, but with Siders bowling out of his skin and Jimmy A and Broaders coming along nicely, England's attack should again have too much for NZ's weak batting line-up, whilst it's unlikely that England's batsman of class will again fail to score heavily against a very friendly Black Cap bowling line-up

The momentum's now with England and I should be very surprised if they did not now wrap up their first series win away from Blighty for, like, er, a hundred million years. Mind, it is England we're on about...

Rana-way

Now this 'breaking news' I will comment on

Yorkshire, it seems, have all but lost their two overseas players for the season, with Pakistan pace bowler Rana Naved-ul-Hasan facing an immediate ban from county cricket after taking part in the unsanctioned Indian Cricket League and South African quick Morne Morkel - signed as cover for Rana Naved - joining the ICC-endorsed IPL, which runs from April 18th-June 1st

Yorkshire, then, are without an overseas player, and time is running out for them to acquire one (or one that's any good, at any rate)

The ECB (having taken an age to clarify things) have explained that anyone playing in the ICL will not be allowed to play in England:

'A cricketer wot 'as played in an un-auuuu-fo-rised event in the 12 months leadin' ap ta April Fool's wiwall not bloody well qualify for registration (wiv a coun'y)'

Rana has a 2-year contract at Headingley Carnegie, but a 3-year one with the ICL (which looks like a distinctly unglamorous competition to me, even with old man Lara's involvement). Yorkshire had warned the follically challenged Rana that, should he play in the ICL, then he could blu-dy well forgit abou' pleyin' fer Yourk-sher, so we can be pretty certain that his Yorkshire career is over before he's bowled a not particularly quick one (duly twatted through the covers) in anger for the county. A lucky escape for Yorkshire, too, if the fellow's previous record in county cricket is anything to go by

Now, that one had been on the cards for a while, but the Morkel situation has come out of the blue. The second set of IPL auctions today saw him snapped up for $60,000 by Jaipur, the side that also chucked a load of cash at Hampshire's 'Aussie Freddy Flintoff' (in that he has blonde hair and so very rarely plays Test cricket for his country, not because he's actually anywhere near as good as Mark Ealham, let alone the Flintster) and Dimitri Mascarenhas

So, Morkel'll miss the beginning of the season playing IPL cricket and then miss the rest of it when he joins up with the South African tourists, whom look likely to club the Vaughan era to a bloody end come late-summer. What will Yourk-sher do? The suspense, I fear, might well kill me

A cheap one in the KPs

Ha! One half-decent Test match performance and who does Chris Martin think he is? Joel bleedin' Garner?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/7289560.stm/


Ruffled KP with a short one, did you? KP's own brand of chat gets on my nerves but Chris Martin thinking that he can get to a cricketer with more ability than the whole NZ side put together? Incredible hubris from a man that would struggle to get a bowl with my own beloved, and truly awful, Druids CC (for whom I am yet to take 5 wickets in a match, or score a ton). Pietersen's just not playing all that well, Martin: his unconfident showing and early dismissal in the 2nd innings had almost nowt to do wit' thee, in the grand scheme of things

Do what you do best, FIGJAM, and make him go fetch (just don't tell to do so: funny as it is, we really shouldn't approve of that sort of thing, tee hee)

Enter own expletive

A calamitous weekend for English rugby; perhaps an even worse one for English cricket

I'm not going to bang on - you've probably read everything you need to in the broadsheets (tabloid readers, you know where the door is) - but how did the tourists actually manage that?

Sort yourselves out, England; Sideshow and Monty aside, you're a disgrace

It seems cricket journalists, followers (one doesn't support, or become a fan of, a cricket team) and even ex-players (too many of whom are clogging up broadsheet columns with their 2nd rate prose these days for my liking) have become so accustomed to this 4 or 5 runs per over malarkey that they've forgotten that, occasionally, sides have to bat in the way that England did yesterday

The England batsmen's relative circumspection was, most likely, symptomatic of the combination of a lack of batting time and confidence but the circumstances - if not the wicket, really, which is actually just very slow rather than hazardous - perhaps called for caution. It is vital that England do not get off to a losing start in this series and yesterday's performance ensured, in all likelihood, that they won't

Vettori and Patel are highly economical and wily bowlers; whilst England may have played to their tune yesterday, the important thing is that Pietersen and co properly applied themselves and didn't get themselves out cheaply. Many is the time we have cursed and sworn at KP for not occupying the crease for long enough, but he yesterday showed admirable maturity and technique in not, in his own words, 'doing something stupid'

Mind you, I don't think I'm alone in hoping that England don't bat the same way in Wellingon and Napier - unless circumstances again call for it, that is...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

On something of a finishing note, or relevant afterthought, let me share one of my very favourite cricketing stories, concerning a day's play at Old Trafford way back when, told to Martin Johnson of the Telegraph by his grandfather: ‘E, it were great, lad: when I fell asleep, Barrington were 4 not out, and when I awoke two hour later wit no break in’t play, he were still 4 not out’

Ho, ho, ho - made me chuckle, anyway

Quite Harmless

Mmm, New Zealand don't seem to be crumbling as easily as many of us thought they would; they don't seem to be crumbling at all, in fact. Which, of course, makes for good Test cricket (don't you loathe completely one-sided cricket?)

What, though, is going on with Harmison and Hoggard? Aye, the Seddon Park wicket at Hamilton is hardly conducive to express bowling - not something you're going to get from Hoggy on any wicket - but both were treated with complete distain in New Zealand's first innings

Being naturally inclined towards the aesthetic, Harmison's action has always made me cringe, but at his best, when he's aggressively confident and getting that steepling bounce, he can be unplayable

Oh, the criticism he's taken from the TMS team during the first two days - all of it very just

Gus Fraser, for instance, couldn't understand why, even when Harmy was bowling yorkers, the ball was reaching batsman at nigh on the 'pace' that Gus himself used to bowl at. Fraser conceded that the very best seam bowlers of the last 20 years - McGrath, Pollock, Walsh and Ambrose - had all bowled at around about 78-82 miles per hour, but they, all four, could put the ball on a six-pence and move it both ways off the seam, none of which Harmison is capable of doing. Even when bowling at a greatly reduced speed, Harmison still can't consistently put it where he wants it nor get great movement off the pitch

Boycs got stuck in, too, claiming that he's only rarely been anything other than middling to poor in the past 3 years, whilst Aggers - or was it CMJ? - claimed that a Harmison over is typically a mixed bag made up of very good and very bad deliveries

To put my thruppence worth in, I can understand that Harmy's diminished confidence is having an adverse effect on his bowling and that he probably can't take the risk of really letting fly, but he has to keep thinking. Why, when Ross Taylor has - whilst on a growingly anxious 98 - in one over failed on three successive occasions to pierce the off-side field with drives from full-pitched bowling, then give him a short one that he can easily pull away to reach his hundred? Brainless cricket, I'm afraid

Hoggy? Well, there's no nip in his bowling and the conditions aren't helping him to swing the ball, so he must concentrate on length - which he has - and on line: which he hasn't, giving the New Zealand bowlers plenty of width to make hay from. Not good

It's early days, but with New Zealand scoring nearly 500 and with an opener and nightwatchman already out, England might be in a struggle to avoid defeat here

What the bloody IPL?

I've been rather quiet about the whole IPL thing - in fact, I've been rather quiet in general this week, and I'm sorry for that, dear, loyal reader (yes, I think I'm probably correct in addressing you in the singular), but I've had stuff to do - and that's mainly because I can't be bothered to get bogged down in financial questions (those that know me will vouch for my inability to count past 10) and moral glue

One great positive of this whole thing, for me, is that we'll be seeing a great many more West Indian players playing county cricket this season than we have done for many a year

With many superstars unable to join counties due to their IPL commitments, it gives Windies quicks like Fidel Edwards, Pedro Collins and Jermaine Lawson the chance to properly get to grips with awkward English conditions, as well as learn the lessons that the county game has to teach them - all invaluable stuff that they can use, hopefully, to catapult the Windies side into becoming a respectable international side at the very least

You'll notice that I haven't made mention of Shiv Chanderpaul's signing up for a 2nd season with Durham, and that's because he is already an astoundingly good player: the player of 2007 and, for my money, one good enough to walk into any side in the world

Wavell Hinds at Derbyshire? Well, that whirlwind Chris Gayle is still in need of a partner at the top of the Windies order and we only hope that Hinds can become more nimble at the crease and not merely plonk his big right boot straight down the wicket at anything that pitches in his half and take a swish at it. Problem is, in signing a Kolpak deal, he might well have signed away his international career anyway

Keep an eye on that Lawson chap this season: now 26, it seemed for all the world as though he'd gone the way of Franklin Rose, Nixon McLean and those myriad other poor coves charged with picking up the mantle left by Walsh and Ambrose, but he could be on his way back. That's great, because he's infinitely more talented than McLean and Rose and looked extremely promising when first he burst onto the scene: anyone remember his 7 for 78 against the Aussies at Antigua in '03? I bet you do. Well, if his action is indeed now sorted, there could be more great things to come from the rapid Jamaican

Edwards and Collins? Capable of swinging the ball at frightening pace, Edwards needs to get out the habit of getting carried away with the short ball, whilst Collins has talent but, like Hinds, may have scuppered his Windies future by signing as a Kolpak player. All's the pity, because the pair could yet develop a good new-ball partnership for the West Indies

It's a shame, too, that the boy Best has signed up to play Disney cricket instead of getting his career proper back on track with a spell at a county